by Danny Benham
When I arrived at SonScape, I was very spiritually and emotionally broken. So many things with ministry and my family had happened over the past couple of years that I was on the brink of just giving up. Then my dad passed away unexpectedly. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back, so to speak.
How could God let all of this happen to me? I blamed Him for everything and had actually started to believe that he didn’t really love me anymore. I was so angry at God for allowing all of this to happen. I didn’t even want to talk to him anymore. I started coasting and going through the motions with ministry and my family for almost a year.
My pastor recommended that my wife and I attend SonScape and thought it would help us to work through some of the issues, allow us to reconnect with God. Arriving at SonScape, I was very hopeful that I would find peace, restoration, and healing but was a little apprehensive that I would be able to find it with everything we had gone through in what felt like a very short amount of time. Our second day here, we had a one-on-one session with our retreat leaders, John and Becci Wood. They listened to part of our story and suggested that I talk to God, alone, with no distractions; tell him how I really feel about our situation.
SonScape has a 5-part prayer walk with structures spread throughout the property for those that need it or just want to participate in it. I didn’t realize that the prayer walk has an order to it so I went straight to number 4 out of 5 which is “Surrender” – sounded logical to me that that is where I needed to start. Once I got to the Surrender structure, I sat down and just sat in silence for some time. I love watching wildlife in their natural habitat and there were deer and squirrels running around in the beautiful landscape surrounding me. I read a little in the prayer walk pamphlet about surrender and realized that I need to start with the first prayer structure, “Grace.” It was getting late and I knew I wouldn’t have time to make it to the Grace structure before dark so I decided to stay.
After a while, sitting in silence, I started talking to God, at times almost yelling at Him, telling him how mad I was that He would allow all of this to happen to me and that I didn’t think He loved me anymore. I told Him how broken I was because of Him, crying out to Him. All of a sudden, as clear as day, I hear someone say “I Love You.” I looked around to see if someone was standing behind me. There was no one, just me and God. For the first time in almost a year, I felt that God really does LOVE ME. That was a profound and impactful moment for me here at SonScape. It has started a restoration and healing in me that I didn’t think was possible.
Thank you, SonScape and John and Becci, for the incredible materials and guidance you have provided me with. I will be forever grateful.